i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
