I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
me + whiskey = a bad person
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
