Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize