I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
