You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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