We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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