She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
