i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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