how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize