Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize