he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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