just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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