11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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