Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
