I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
