i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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