You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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