if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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