I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize