i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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