just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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