If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
