You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize