Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
