How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
