I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had to cum in my sink.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
