just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
