Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
