i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
