so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
