I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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