I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
