How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
