I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
