my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
