I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
