Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
