Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize