I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Enjoy the penises
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
