I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
