i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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