my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
