you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
