census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
