My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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