Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
