you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My bed smells like the plague
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
