1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
