my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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