How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
