i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
