Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
