I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
