Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
