Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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