Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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