3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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