Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
