i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
