its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
