I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize