Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
