I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
