the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
