Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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