I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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