On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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