I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
