And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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