I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
