apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
