I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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