I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
